Book 5
Amy S.
"How are you?" Jana. "I'm doing great!" Amy. "That's fabulous." Jana. "Yes, I thought so." Amy
All I want is a big burly man to sweep me off my feet, tell me I'm wonderful, and that if anyone bothers me they will be tortured and stepped on! That's all I want!
If I were a normal person I'd have children by now.
I guess what I really need is a husband. Or maybe a cherry cordial.
Rob C.
I am not doing this to suggest that I am evil and draconian...but I am.
It is in the nature of all human beings to corrupt themselves.
Things can be jejune annually.
We always need enemies to define ourselves.
The wealthier you were the more hair you could afford to buy.
I took a knife and stabbed him into jam.
No actors in ant costumes, there had to be actual ants on the stage.
As an interesting side note...well, I don't know if it's interesting but it is a side note so bear with me.
Speaking French prods my groin.
Have you ever heard the song "Mad Dogs and Englishmen Go Out in the Sun"? No? You should really put it on your ipod shuffle.
Teddy J.
Maaike sure likes to laugh. But I guess she's just made that way.
I can hear your brain saying, "dork."
Elizabeth S.
If it's an imaginary number why do I have to learn it?
An Egyptian palace...with a bowling alley!
Hello my stupid Canadian friend. Come over for a game of Whale Blubber!
In New Mexico they're not quite right...but they're alive.
Kid at the Mall
Dad, look at all the ho's!
JJ
Big Hats on Wheels: the Musical.
They didn't have a gong so they hit an ox.
ME
I should go back to the English department where I feel superior.
I wish I were a 5'9" plastic black woman.
Get over it? That's your medical advice: get over it?
Aubrey L-Y
Watch out, she'll get her little Mormon buddies and they'll take you out for juice and chicken!
Ginger
I know mangoes!
Showing posts with label Aubrey L-Y.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aubrey L-Y.. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Book 3
Dang...book three doesn't have dates either.
This one is going to be done a little differently then, I'll put the author's name once and all their quotes after...saving me from writing each person's name over and over.
Elizabeth S.
"We let the cute animals live, I mean the cows we just say 'get your ass in the truck-you're gonna be a baseball glove!"
"Some damn vegan stole my grandpa!"
"I don't want to die on the tilt-a-whirl!"
"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck yourself?"
"We need a place for the fangs, duh!"
"I had to make sure we had an even number [of gummy bears] so I ate one in the hallway."
"I keep you around because you smell better than most monkeys."
"My mother taught me not to lie too much."
"I'd better google a picture of the pope!"
"She's running a slight fever, or else she's just weird."
"I'm not weird, I'm gifted!"
"Funny like 'ha-ha' or funny like 'look that man's having a heart attack."
"Yeah, I was turning the wheel while she worked the pedals and played the flute."
"But I'm so cute!" Me "Compared to what?" Elizabeth S.
"Benefits include Mental, Dental and 401K."
"Having goals in life is sexy. Having that goal be 'world domination' is even sexier."
"I'm not surprised that people drop out of school, become bums and eventually end up killing themselves."
"I'd be a bad-ass-asauras...I'd be like 'hey teranadon, what you lookin' at!"
"I find that kind of thing very taxing." E.S. "What, kindness?" Me "Yeah." E.S.
"Different milk! I thought you meant goat, cow & yak! Fuck that!"
"Hello, Happy Hills? I need you to come for a pick up...she's clearly delusional."
"I'd be sad if it were you, but I'd still laugh."
"I hear Ebola's not so bad."
"It smells like something's on fire." Me "It better not be the building because I don't feel like evacuating."
"Hello Maaike, I'm Mr. Spoon! I'm here to cut your eyes out!"
"Can't they have more friendly death-tolling bells? It's like ding-dong: you're gonna die!"
"Note to self: Kill Maaike sooner...I am sick of her flaunting her superior tacos in my face...oh, and buy some Swedish fish."
"It's like passover...only not Jewish."
"Uri and Pablo are plotting against you." ES "What is this...a Spanish-Russian conspiracy?" Me "Don't forget Wong and Pierre." ES
Lucia C.
"Did you put the dimensions of Aubrey's ass in there?"
"I'm doing embroidery for revenge."
Jeff B.
"You'll be ok if you don't gnaw on the window sills."
"I've always enjoyed my organ."
"I like to get as close to myself as possible." Jeff "Yes, we know." Christina C.
Aubrey L-Y
"Her ass is a 10...on the Richter scale!"
"I flung a piece of sausage at the Jewish guy and he ducked and screamed "ah! Devil's meat!'."
"They're only your friends if they want to play with your bat and ball."
Kylie J.
"I'm afraid of heights! I don't even like to stand up!"
Teddy J.
"I forgot for a minute how pants worked."
Idaho State Safety Inspector
"Did you know the stuff in your first aid kit expired 14 years ago?"
Caleb T.
"It's not stealing until a jury of 12 convicts and even then it can still be appealed."
Jade S.
"I hope if we resort to eating each other it's not for dessert."
"God sent out his holiday newsletter."
"If anybody dies today, I'll be pissed!"
Adam S.
"God sent me this beautiful bunt cake. I'm supposed to share with everyone."
Andi
"Who's the guy in the tall hat? Ronald Regan?" Andi "What kind of tard are you?" Elizabeth S.
"If I had to think before I spoke I'd never get to talk again!"
"I have no problem with public speaking...it's the shutting up part that gives me trouble."
Me
"I'm always getting thrown into bottomless pits!"
"I like you like I like an embarrassing rash."
"I need a Yiddish spell checker."
"And I was feeling all self-esteemy and everything."
Christina C.
"I've known Maaike for two years and I've only seen her cry once." "Sweet! If something happens to you, I'm dating her!" Nathan T.
Mandy M.
"I have hundreds of items in my freezer... all of which I will tell you about right now."
Ben S.
"I don't need to ask Maaike; she loves me, she'll let me do anything."
Joe M.
"You and your stupid happiness!"
"It's kind of sad when your own eyes glaze over when you're talking to yourself."
"Nothing says 'I love you' like chewing on your eyeball."
Katie W.
"Nothing's worse than finding a redneck in a cave."
"I can come down here, watch people make out...feel all lonely inside."
Rob C.
"It's just a part of me dying inside...that's all."
"'My computer crashed' is the 20th century version of 'my dog ate it.'"
"Talk to me as you slip down the slope...not when you hit the bottom."
"I've upped my blood pressure medication...so there should be no beatings...hmmm...hmmm...there should be no beatings."
"We are the avant garde...we are the front...we're cool."
"There are many, many Shakespeare festivals, but no Marlowe festivals."
"It would be like our children's children's children taking all they know about us from a fragment of the Declaration of Independence, some letters from Jefferson, some episodes of "Friends" and a receipt from Shopko!"
"Yet another reason not to go to jail."
"They think Noah's a rap artist."
"That's actual math. The 15 potato rule."
"They'll put heads on pikes!" Rob. "And enlightened things like that." Brian "I, only, am allowed to make the jokes, Brian." Rob.
"Morose Chekovian Dipshits."
"The Greeks designed LAX--the book doesn't even mention it. But I...I know."
"I think since we know Oedipus, we can say [Hurricane Katrina] is [Bush's] fault."
This one is going to be done a little differently then, I'll put the author's name once and all their quotes after...saving me from writing each person's name over and over.
Elizabeth S.
"We let the cute animals live, I mean the cows we just say 'get your ass in the truck-you're gonna be a baseball glove!"
"Some damn vegan stole my grandpa!"
"I don't want to die on the tilt-a-whirl!"
"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck yourself?"
"We need a place for the fangs, duh!"
"I had to make sure we had an even number [of gummy bears] so I ate one in the hallway."
"I keep you around because you smell better than most monkeys."
"My mother taught me not to lie too much."
"I'd better google a picture of the pope!"
"She's running a slight fever, or else she's just weird."
"I'm not weird, I'm gifted!"
"Funny like 'ha-ha' or funny like 'look that man's having a heart attack."
"Yeah, I was turning the wheel while she worked the pedals and played the flute."
"But I'm so cute!" Me "Compared to what?" Elizabeth S.
"Benefits include Mental, Dental and 401K."
"Having goals in life is sexy. Having that goal be 'world domination' is even sexier."
"I'm not surprised that people drop out of school, become bums and eventually end up killing themselves."
"I'd be a bad-ass-asauras...I'd be like 'hey teranadon, what you lookin' at!"
"I find that kind of thing very taxing." E.S. "What, kindness?" Me "Yeah." E.S.
"Different milk! I thought you meant goat, cow & yak! Fuck that!"
"Hello, Happy Hills? I need you to come for a pick up...she's clearly delusional."
"I'd be sad if it were you, but I'd still laugh."
"I hear Ebola's not so bad."
"It smells like something's on fire." Me "It better not be the building because I don't feel like evacuating."
"Hello Maaike, I'm Mr. Spoon! I'm here to cut your eyes out!"
"Can't they have more friendly death-tolling bells? It's like ding-dong: you're gonna die!"
"Note to self: Kill Maaike sooner...I am sick of her flaunting her superior tacos in my face...oh, and buy some Swedish fish."
"It's like passover...only not Jewish."
"Uri and Pablo are plotting against you." ES "What is this...a Spanish-Russian conspiracy?" Me "Don't forget Wong and Pierre." ES
Lucia C.
"Did you put the dimensions of Aubrey's ass in there?"
"I'm doing embroidery for revenge."
Jeff B.
"You'll be ok if you don't gnaw on the window sills."
"I've always enjoyed my organ."
"I like to get as close to myself as possible." Jeff "Yes, we know." Christina C.
Aubrey L-Y
"Her ass is a 10...on the Richter scale!"
"I flung a piece of sausage at the Jewish guy and he ducked and screamed "ah! Devil's meat!'."
"They're only your friends if they want to play with your bat and ball."
Kylie J.
"I'm afraid of heights! I don't even like to stand up!"
Teddy J.
"I forgot for a minute how pants worked."
Idaho State Safety Inspector
"Did you know the stuff in your first aid kit expired 14 years ago?"
Caleb T.
"It's not stealing until a jury of 12 convicts and even then it can still be appealed."
Jade S.
"I hope if we resort to eating each other it's not for dessert."
"God sent out his holiday newsletter."
"If anybody dies today, I'll be pissed!"
Adam S.
"God sent me this beautiful bunt cake. I'm supposed to share with everyone."
Andi
"Who's the guy in the tall hat? Ronald Regan?" Andi "What kind of tard are you?" Elizabeth S.
"If I had to think before I spoke I'd never get to talk again!"
"I have no problem with public speaking...it's the shutting up part that gives me trouble."
Me
"I'm always getting thrown into bottomless pits!"
"I like you like I like an embarrassing rash."
"I need a Yiddish spell checker."
"And I was feeling all self-esteemy and everything."
Christina C.
"I've known Maaike for two years and I've only seen her cry once." "Sweet! If something happens to you, I'm dating her!" Nathan T.
Mandy M.
"I have hundreds of items in my freezer... all of which I will tell you about right now."
Ben S.
"I don't need to ask Maaike; she loves me, she'll let me do anything."
Joe M.
"You and your stupid happiness!"
"It's kind of sad when your own eyes glaze over when you're talking to yourself."
"Nothing says 'I love you' like chewing on your eyeball."
Katie W.
"Nothing's worse than finding a redneck in a cave."
"I can come down here, watch people make out...feel all lonely inside."
Rob C.
"It's just a part of me dying inside...that's all."
"'My computer crashed' is the 20th century version of 'my dog ate it.'"
"Talk to me as you slip down the slope...not when you hit the bottom."
"I've upped my blood pressure medication...so there should be no beatings...hmmm...hmmm...there should be no beatings."
"We are the avant garde...we are the front...we're cool."
"There are many, many Shakespeare festivals, but no Marlowe festivals."
"It would be like our children's children's children taking all they know about us from a fragment of the Declaration of Independence, some letters from Jefferson, some episodes of "Friends" and a receipt from Shopko!"
"Yet another reason not to go to jail."
"They think Noah's a rap artist."
"That's actual math. The 15 potato rule."
"They'll put heads on pikes!" Rob. "And enlightened things like that." Brian "I, only, am allowed to make the jokes, Brian." Rob.
"Morose Chekovian Dipshits."
"The Greeks designed LAX--the book doesn't even mention it. But I...I know."
"I think since we know Oedipus, we can say [Hurricane Katrina] is [Bush's] fault."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Book 2
Book 2 is lacking in dates as well. Here goes:
"There's nothing worse than having to clean up your own guts." Dez D.
"I can't come to work today because I have a knife in my head." --Elizabeth S.
"I'm not a nutritionist! For breakfast I had two tacos, a Mountain Dew and a hamburger!" Andi
"Don't make an ass of yourself every chance you get!" Elizabeth S.
"I'm not a slut, I'm a people person!" Elizabeth S.
"You're Grumpy, he's Sleepy. I'll be Leave-Me-the-Hell-Alone dwarf." Elizabeth S.
"...because you know how all people who take hostages serve blueberry pie." Emiline H.
"It's natural selection...that's what I think about plagues, wars, and old people." Elizabeth S.
"Like when walking down the street and people smile at me...I smile at them and then I think, 'I hope you get hit by a truck!'." Elizabeth S.
"Nobody wants a Biff-in-the-box!" Michelle D.
"I don't want to turn into a sucking void of 'give-me's'!" Christina C.
"Everyone loves mass-produced, cream filled pastries!" Doug O.
"Dad made me some nunchucks!" Doug O.
"I don't care about fruit leather!" Aubrey L-Y.
"It was not my bugs!" Ericka B.
"I experince fugitive revelations." Richard C.
"Everybody is somebody's Weirdo." Rick F.
"The toilet's flooded." Me. "It doesn't want to take anymore crap." Aubrey L-Y.
"Dude, you got a twinkie on your back...Hey! I got a ho-ho!" Aubrey L-Y.
"Guess what I'm thinking." Stoner Boy. "Absolutely nothing." Ericka B.
"I was wondering if your cheerfulness is genuine of if you go home and sob in your pillow." Louis P.
"The title of the class is 'Scanning Probe Microscopy.' It makes me kind of blush."
"In the swirling darkness, I am your voice of sanity." Amy S.
"If he's going to pursue, let him pursue. If he doesn't then chalk it up to free food." Amy S.
"Aubrey, you're a nut." Me. "At least I'm something." Aubrey L-Y.
"I have to tell you something." Me. "Is it about the vampire." Michelle D.
"We did that once and I looked like a big walking fly swatter." Aubrey L-Y.
"For the love of God be useful!" Elizabeth S.
"One day I hope my children get eaten by rats in their cribs." Elizabeth S.
"Who cares if you have a turban on...you're still butt-ass naked!" Elizabeth S.
"Society demands less of their insane." Me
"Don't learn the rules...then they can't accuse you of breaking them." Mary R.
"My mom won't let me join the mafia." Elizabeth S.
"That is not a Nobel Prize. That is a jar of jelly." Me
"I hate goldfish crackers." Aubrey L-Y "Well, you can just burn in hell." Elizabeth S.
"There's nothing worse than having to clean up your own guts." Dez D.
"I can't come to work today because I have a knife in my head." --Elizabeth S.
"I'm not a nutritionist! For breakfast I had two tacos, a Mountain Dew and a hamburger!" Andi
"Don't make an ass of yourself every chance you get!" Elizabeth S.
"I'm not a slut, I'm a people person!" Elizabeth S.
"You're Grumpy, he's Sleepy. I'll be Leave-Me-the-Hell-Alone dwarf." Elizabeth S.
"...because you know how all people who take hostages serve blueberry pie." Emiline H.
"It's natural selection...that's what I think about plagues, wars, and old people." Elizabeth S.
"Like when walking down the street and people smile at me...I smile at them and then I think, 'I hope you get hit by a truck!'." Elizabeth S.
"Nobody wants a Biff-in-the-box!" Michelle D.
"I don't want to turn into a sucking void of 'give-me's'!" Christina C.
"Everyone loves mass-produced, cream filled pastries!" Doug O.
"Dad made me some nunchucks!" Doug O.
"I don't care about fruit leather!" Aubrey L-Y.
"It was not my bugs!" Ericka B.
"I experince fugitive revelations." Richard C.
"Everybody is somebody's Weirdo." Rick F.
"The toilet's flooded." Me. "It doesn't want to take anymore crap." Aubrey L-Y.
"Dude, you got a twinkie on your back...Hey! I got a ho-ho!" Aubrey L-Y.
"Guess what I'm thinking." Stoner Boy. "Absolutely nothing." Ericka B.
"I was wondering if your cheerfulness is genuine of if you go home and sob in your pillow." Louis P.
"The title of the class is 'Scanning Probe Microscopy.' It makes me kind of blush."
"In the swirling darkness, I am your voice of sanity." Amy S.
"If he's going to pursue, let him pursue. If he doesn't then chalk it up to free food." Amy S.
"Aubrey, you're a nut." Me. "At least I'm something." Aubrey L-Y.
"I have to tell you something." Me. "Is it about the vampire." Michelle D.
"We did that once and I looked like a big walking fly swatter." Aubrey L-Y.
"For the love of God be useful!" Elizabeth S.
"One day I hope my children get eaten by rats in their cribs." Elizabeth S.
"Who cares if you have a turban on...you're still butt-ass naked!" Elizabeth S.
"Society demands less of their insane." Me
"Don't learn the rules...then they can't accuse you of breaking them." Mary R.
"My mom won't let me join the mafia." Elizabeth S.
"That is not a Nobel Prize. That is a jar of jelly." Me
"I hate goldfish crackers." Aubrey L-Y "Well, you can just burn in hell." Elizabeth S.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Book 1
Book 1 has no dates so I'm just putting it all together.
"There might be a slight disadvantage for the Spaniards, but Pablo does come up with words like 'chickpeas' and 'carabiner'."--Me
"Most cows do not kill their wives."--Didn't write down the author (DWDTA).
"I sat down at my desk and said, 'Oh shit, I think I'll write this!'"--D'Wayne H.
"Dyed in the wool, snot-ridden romanticism!"--D'Wayne H.
"I've got to have something fun in my life--don't get down on me!"--DWDTA
"This tastes like crushed up Smarties in urine."--Ben H.
"This is just reinforcing my pessimism."--Jake A.
"[People are] emotionally involved with their snack foods."--Jake A.
"You get an "F" because you don't know money's killing you, you assholes!"--D'Wayne H.
"Where is Hadrian's bloody Wall!!"--Daniel R.
"It's like driving a food mixer."--Daniel R.
"I'm readjusting to time so please fuck off."--Daniel R.
"I will lose the will to live if I go bald. Does that sound vain? I am vain. I don't know why I shared that with you--I'm feeling very naked and vulnerable right now."--Rob C.
"It would be nice to have no brain at all--take a break from myself."--Pablo G.
"I do too...I blame the poets."--Dan O.
"I have a little bit of experience with people I don't like."--D'Wayne H.
"A rolling stone gathers no jock itch but swimmers ear can be a problem."--Rob C.
"He comes for a bonk and he gets death instead."--Daniel R.
"He swallows small, shiny objects out of curiosity."--Jake A.
"Your crotch is like a discotheque, congratulations."--Aubrey L-Y.
"I don't know what I'd do if my thighs weren't in constant contact."--Me.
"I'll sell my script for a grilled cheese sandwich and a Shata!"--Rob C.
"So, don't lick the bottom of my shoes today."--Marie R.
"Sherill, you have such beautiful things, I'm jealous."--Me. "If it makes you feel any better, you should see my husband."--Sherill
"Ben, I like your shirt."--Me. "You would!"--Ben H.
"You buttered your bread now you have to lie in it!"--Dan O.
"It's my drugs I never take--that's why I'm all fucked up and shit."--Aubrey L-Y.
"Hey, you're the only white person here!"--Linnea H.
"There is joy but not romance/When there's giant pants." Christina C.
"At least I'm alluring to something." Christina C.
"Well, if you're going to hang out with someone for five years and not have sex, it's better if they're not exciting." Nathan T.
"There might be a slight disadvantage for the Spaniards, but Pablo does come up with words like 'chickpeas' and 'carabiner'."--Me
"Most cows do not kill their wives."--Didn't write down the author (DWDTA).
"I sat down at my desk and said, 'Oh shit, I think I'll write this!'"--D'Wayne H.
"Dyed in the wool, snot-ridden romanticism!"--D'Wayne H.
"I've got to have something fun in my life--don't get down on me!"--DWDTA
"This tastes like crushed up Smarties in urine."--Ben H.
"This is just reinforcing my pessimism."--Jake A.
"[People are] emotionally involved with their snack foods."--Jake A.
"You get an "F" because you don't know money's killing you, you assholes!"--D'Wayne H.
"Where is Hadrian's bloody Wall!!"--Daniel R.
"It's like driving a food mixer."--Daniel R.
"I'm readjusting to time so please fuck off."--Daniel R.
"I will lose the will to live if I go bald. Does that sound vain? I am vain. I don't know why I shared that with you--I'm feeling very naked and vulnerable right now."--Rob C.
"It would be nice to have no brain at all--take a break from myself."--Pablo G.
"I do too...I blame the poets."--Dan O.
"I have a little bit of experience with people I don't like."--D'Wayne H.
"A rolling stone gathers no jock itch but swimmers ear can be a problem."--Rob C.
"He comes for a bonk and he gets death instead."--Daniel R.
"He swallows small, shiny objects out of curiosity."--Jake A.
"Your crotch is like a discotheque, congratulations."--Aubrey L-Y.
"I don't know what I'd do if my thighs weren't in constant contact."--Me.
"I'll sell my script for a grilled cheese sandwich and a Shata!"--Rob C.
"So, don't lick the bottom of my shoes today."--Marie R.
"Sherill, you have such beautiful things, I'm jealous."--Me. "If it makes you feel any better, you should see my husband."--Sherill
"Ben, I like your shirt."--Me. "You would!"--Ben H.
"You buttered your bread now you have to lie in it!"--Dan O.
"It's my drugs I never take--that's why I'm all fucked up and shit."--Aubrey L-Y.
"Hey, you're the only white person here!"--Linnea H.
"There is joy but not romance/When there's giant pants." Christina C.
"At least I'm alluring to something." Christina C.
"Well, if you're going to hang out with someone for five years and not have sex, it's better if they're not exciting." Nathan T.
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