Book 6

Here is book 6

David E-H

Hit the deck! That ham sandwich is gonna blow!!

Hornby would make the argument...and since he's not here, I'll do it for him...

Me

Mango laundry soap? How do you not eat your clothes!

"Take this pizza with you." Ginger. "I really hate cold pizza" Me. "What about your roommates?" Ginger. "I hate them, too." Me.

The sound of shaken fairies.

I wish I had a mind that thought is lines instead of swirlyques.

I'm debating whether or not to keep Petey's legs.

Kylie J.

Plastic ass can? What? Is it a chair? Like a bucket seat?

"I don't want to be a hippogryph!" Teddy "Too much Harry Potter, not enough church." Kylie

Rob C.

If you'll look here I think you'll see that there is some suspicious leotard action going on.

In honor of 'Intimate Apparel' I am wearing lace undies.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hope that really happens.

I know, you think I'm annoying...it's in my nature.

Isn't there a sort of disconnect between your passion to destroy a country and your inability to find it on a map?

We were all on Prozac that semester...and some of us never got off.

So, we killed him. But that's not important and I want you to forget that fact.

Don't take this the wrong way, but, you sick bitch!

Paul K.

"Nellie is now the director. I am the female actor." Paul. "You'll have to shave." Nellie. "No. Russian." Paul

Confucius is a silly head.

Here's a far-fetched...and really bad idea.

Ginger R.

I trump you! I'm in line to die!

If a disaster comes, I'm gonna eat my dog.

"The bathroom smells like a wet poodle!" Me. "A DEAD wet poodle!" Ginger

Don't come to my house!!

Amy S.

Don't admire my sacrilege!

Do I have something on my philtrum? Do I have a philtrum?

Stephen H.

This is a rock? Where do we commonly find rocks?

A sturdy dirt clod and a soft rock are pretty much the same thing.

Landslides, and the prevention thereof.

What happened and how do they feel? In geology no one cares how they feel. The fact that they're there is incidental.

"A university course in stealing and thievery...that would be cool." Me. "Well, the UI does have the college of Law." Stephen

I'm allergic to myself and I can't stand to be confined like that!

Elizabeth S.

Crap on a stick!

They're about as similar as bananas and cheese.

Ben S.

Moths are butterflies ugly cousins. Ben. "Yeah, but do your ugly cousins eat your clothes?" Jade. "Well, yea." Ben.

Every time she kills me I get dead!

What does the acronym ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM stand for?

"People like me. I don't know why." Me. "I can name several reasons...you're fun...well, that's about it." Ben

Jade S.

Ooo...no one likes you.

I'm paying attention...I'm just not smart.

Daniel M.

Ted Nugent talks that way even when buying socks.

Sherri D.

"We just get worried when we can't get a hold of you." Chris. "Did you think I was dead in the back yard?" Mom. "No, Albert checked the back yard." Sherri.

Book 5

Book 5

Amy S.

"How are you?" Jana. "I'm doing great!" Amy. "That's fabulous." Jana. "Yes, I thought so." Amy

All I want is a big burly man to sweep me off my feet, tell me I'm wonderful, and that if anyone bothers me they will be tortured and stepped on! That's all I want!

If I were a normal person I'd have children by now.

I guess what I really need is a husband. Or maybe a cherry cordial.

Rob C.

I am not doing this to suggest that I am evil and draconian...but I am.

It is in the nature of all human beings to corrupt themselves.

Things can be jejune annually.

We always need enemies to define ourselves.

The wealthier you were the more hair you could afford to buy.

I took a knife and stabbed him into jam.

No actors in ant costumes, there had to be actual ants on the stage.

As an interesting side note...well, I don't know if it's interesting but it is a side note so bear with me.

Speaking French prods my groin.

Have you ever heard the song "Mad Dogs and Englishmen Go Out in the Sun"? No? You should really put it on your ipod shuffle.

Teddy J.

Maaike sure likes to laugh. But I guess she's just made that way.

I can hear your brain saying, "dork."

Elizabeth S.

If it's an imaginary number why do I have to learn it?

An Egyptian palace...with a bowling alley!

Hello my stupid Canadian friend. Come over for a game of Whale Blubber!

In New Mexico they're not quite right...but they're alive.

Kid at the Mall

Dad, look at all the ho's!

JJ

Big Hats on Wheels: the Musical.

They didn't have a gong so they hit an ox.

ME

I should go back to the English department where I feel superior.

I wish I were a 5'9" plastic black woman.

Get over it? That's your medical advice: get over it?

Aubrey L-Y

Watch out, she'll get her little Mormon buddies and they'll take you out for juice and chicken!

Ginger

I know mangoes!

Book 2

Book 2 is lacking in dates as well. Here goes:

"There's nothing worse than having to clean up your own guts." Dez D.

"I can't come to work today because I have a knife in my head." --Elizabeth S.

"I'm not a nutritionist! For breakfast I had two tacos, a Mountain Dew and a hamburger!" Andi

"Don't make an ass of yourself every chance you get!" Elizabeth S.

"I'm not a slut, I'm a people person!" Elizabeth S.

"You're Grumpy, he's Sleepy. I'll be Leave-Me-the-Hell-Alone dwarf." Elizabeth S.

"...because you know how all people who take hostages serve blueberry pie." Emiline H.

"It's natural selection...that's what I think about plagues, wars, and old people." Elizabeth S.

"Like when walking down the street and people smile at me...I smile at them and then I think, 'I hope you get hit by a truck!'." Elizabeth S.

"Nobody wants a Biff-in-the-box!" Michelle D.

"I don't want to turn into a sucking void of 'give-me's'!" Christina C.

"Everyone loves mass-produced, cream filled pastries!" Doug O.

"Dad made me some nunchucks!" Doug O.

"I don't care about fruit leather!" Aubrey L-Y.

"It was not my bugs!" Ericka B.

"I experince fugitive revelations." Richard C.

"Everybody is somebody's Weirdo." Rick F.

"The toilet's flooded." Me. "It doesn't want to take anymore crap." Aubrey L-Y.

"Dude, you got a twinkie on your back...Hey! I got a ho-ho!" Aubrey L-Y.

"Guess what I'm thinking." Stoner Boy. "Absolutely nothing." Ericka B.

"I was wondering if your cheerfulness is genuine of if you go home and sob in your pillow." Louis P.

"The title of the class is 'Scanning Probe Microscopy.' It makes me kind of blush."

"In the swirling darkness, I am your voice of sanity." Amy S.

"If he's going to pursue, let him pursue. If he doesn't then chalk it up to free food." Amy S.

"Aubrey, you're a nut." Me. "At least I'm something." Aubrey L-Y.

"I have to tell you something." Me. "Is it about the vampire." Michelle D.

"We did that once and I looked like a big walking fly swatter." Aubrey L-Y.

"For the love of God be useful!" Elizabeth S.

"One day I hope my children get eaten by rats in their cribs." Elizabeth S.

"Who cares if you have a turban on...you're still butt-ass naked!" Elizabeth S.

"Society demands less of their insane." Me

"Don't learn the rules...then they can't accuse you of breaking them." Mary R.

"My mom won't let me join the mafia." Elizabeth S.

"That is not a Nobel Prize. That is a jar of jelly." Me

"I hate goldfish crackers." Aubrey L-Y "Well, you can just burn in hell." Elizabeth S.