Here is book 6
David E-H
Hit the deck! That ham sandwich is gonna blow!!
Hornby would make the argument...and since he's not here, I'll do it for him...
Me
Mango laundry soap? How do you not eat your clothes!
"Take this pizza with you." Ginger. "I really hate cold pizza" Me. "What about your roommates?" Ginger. "I hate them, too." Me.
The sound of shaken fairies.
I wish I had a mind that thought is lines instead of swirlyques.
I'm debating whether or not to keep Petey's legs.
Kylie J.
Plastic ass can? What? Is it a chair? Like a bucket seat?
"I don't want to be a hippogryph!" Teddy "Too much Harry Potter, not enough church." Kylie
Rob C.
If you'll look here I think you'll see that there is some suspicious leotard action going on.
In honor of 'Intimate Apparel' I am wearing lace undies.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hope that really happens.
I know, you think I'm annoying...it's in my nature.
Isn't there a sort of disconnect between your passion to destroy a country and your inability to find it on a map?
We were all on Prozac that semester...and some of us never got off.
So, we killed him. But that's not important and I want you to forget that fact.
Don't take this the wrong way, but, you sick bitch!
Paul K.
"Nellie is now the director. I am the female actor." Paul. "You'll have to shave." Nellie. "No. Russian." Paul
Confucius is a silly head.
Here's a far-fetched...and really bad idea.
Ginger R.
I trump you! I'm in line to die!
If a disaster comes, I'm gonna eat my dog.
"The bathroom smells like a wet poodle!" Me. "A DEAD wet poodle!" Ginger
Don't come to my house!!
Amy S.
Don't admire my sacrilege!
Do I have something on my philtrum? Do I have a philtrum?
Stephen H.
This is a rock? Where do we commonly find rocks?
A sturdy dirt clod and a soft rock are pretty much the same thing.
Landslides, and the prevention thereof.
What happened and how do they feel? In geology no one cares how they feel. The fact that they're there is incidental.
"A university course in stealing and thievery...that would be cool." Me. "Well, the UI does have the college of Law." Stephen
I'm allergic to myself and I can't stand to be confined like that!
Elizabeth S.
Crap on a stick!
They're about as similar as bananas and cheese.
Ben S.
Moths are butterflies ugly cousins. Ben. "Yeah, but do your ugly cousins eat your clothes?" Jade. "Well, yea." Ben.
Every time she kills me I get dead!
What does the acronym ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM stand for?
"People like me. I don't know why." Me. "I can name several reasons...you're fun...well, that's about it." Ben
Jade S.
Ooo...no one likes you.
I'm paying attention...I'm just not smart.
Daniel M.
Ted Nugent talks that way even when buying socks.
Sherri D.
"We just get worried when we can't get a hold of you." Chris. "Did you think I was dead in the back yard?" Mom. "No, Albert checked the back yard." Sherri.
Showing posts with label Jade S.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jade S.. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Book 3
Dang...book three doesn't have dates either.
This one is going to be done a little differently then, I'll put the author's name once and all their quotes after...saving me from writing each person's name over and over.
Elizabeth S.
"We let the cute animals live, I mean the cows we just say 'get your ass in the truck-you're gonna be a baseball glove!"
"Some damn vegan stole my grandpa!"
"I don't want to die on the tilt-a-whirl!"
"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck yourself?"
"We need a place for the fangs, duh!"
"I had to make sure we had an even number [of gummy bears] so I ate one in the hallway."
"I keep you around because you smell better than most monkeys."
"My mother taught me not to lie too much."
"I'd better google a picture of the pope!"
"She's running a slight fever, or else she's just weird."
"I'm not weird, I'm gifted!"
"Funny like 'ha-ha' or funny like 'look that man's having a heart attack."
"Yeah, I was turning the wheel while she worked the pedals and played the flute."
"But I'm so cute!" Me "Compared to what?" Elizabeth S.
"Benefits include Mental, Dental and 401K."
"Having goals in life is sexy. Having that goal be 'world domination' is even sexier."
"I'm not surprised that people drop out of school, become bums and eventually end up killing themselves."
"I'd be a bad-ass-asauras...I'd be like 'hey teranadon, what you lookin' at!"
"I find that kind of thing very taxing." E.S. "What, kindness?" Me "Yeah." E.S.
"Different milk! I thought you meant goat, cow & yak! Fuck that!"
"Hello, Happy Hills? I need you to come for a pick up...she's clearly delusional."
"I'd be sad if it were you, but I'd still laugh."
"I hear Ebola's not so bad."
"It smells like something's on fire." Me "It better not be the building because I don't feel like evacuating."
"Hello Maaike, I'm Mr. Spoon! I'm here to cut your eyes out!"
"Can't they have more friendly death-tolling bells? It's like ding-dong: you're gonna die!"
"Note to self: Kill Maaike sooner...I am sick of her flaunting her superior tacos in my face...oh, and buy some Swedish fish."
"It's like passover...only not Jewish."
"Uri and Pablo are plotting against you." ES "What is this...a Spanish-Russian conspiracy?" Me "Don't forget Wong and Pierre." ES
Lucia C.
"Did you put the dimensions of Aubrey's ass in there?"
"I'm doing embroidery for revenge."
Jeff B.
"You'll be ok if you don't gnaw on the window sills."
"I've always enjoyed my organ."
"I like to get as close to myself as possible." Jeff "Yes, we know." Christina C.
Aubrey L-Y
"Her ass is a 10...on the Richter scale!"
"I flung a piece of sausage at the Jewish guy and he ducked and screamed "ah! Devil's meat!'."
"They're only your friends if they want to play with your bat and ball."
Kylie J.
"I'm afraid of heights! I don't even like to stand up!"
Teddy J.
"I forgot for a minute how pants worked."
Idaho State Safety Inspector
"Did you know the stuff in your first aid kit expired 14 years ago?"
Caleb T.
"It's not stealing until a jury of 12 convicts and even then it can still be appealed."
Jade S.
"I hope if we resort to eating each other it's not for dessert."
"God sent out his holiday newsletter."
"If anybody dies today, I'll be pissed!"
Adam S.
"God sent me this beautiful bunt cake. I'm supposed to share with everyone."
Andi
"Who's the guy in the tall hat? Ronald Regan?" Andi "What kind of tard are you?" Elizabeth S.
"If I had to think before I spoke I'd never get to talk again!"
"I have no problem with public speaking...it's the shutting up part that gives me trouble."
Me
"I'm always getting thrown into bottomless pits!"
"I like you like I like an embarrassing rash."
"I need a Yiddish spell checker."
"And I was feeling all self-esteemy and everything."
Christina C.
"I've known Maaike for two years and I've only seen her cry once." "Sweet! If something happens to you, I'm dating her!" Nathan T.
Mandy M.
"I have hundreds of items in my freezer... all of which I will tell you about right now."
Ben S.
"I don't need to ask Maaike; she loves me, she'll let me do anything."
Joe M.
"You and your stupid happiness!"
"It's kind of sad when your own eyes glaze over when you're talking to yourself."
"Nothing says 'I love you' like chewing on your eyeball."
Katie W.
"Nothing's worse than finding a redneck in a cave."
"I can come down here, watch people make out...feel all lonely inside."
Rob C.
"It's just a part of me dying inside...that's all."
"'My computer crashed' is the 20th century version of 'my dog ate it.'"
"Talk to me as you slip down the slope...not when you hit the bottom."
"I've upped my blood pressure medication...so there should be no beatings...hmmm...hmmm...there should be no beatings."
"We are the avant garde...we are the front...we're cool."
"There are many, many Shakespeare festivals, but no Marlowe festivals."
"It would be like our children's children's children taking all they know about us from a fragment of the Declaration of Independence, some letters from Jefferson, some episodes of "Friends" and a receipt from Shopko!"
"Yet another reason not to go to jail."
"They think Noah's a rap artist."
"That's actual math. The 15 potato rule."
"They'll put heads on pikes!" Rob. "And enlightened things like that." Brian "I, only, am allowed to make the jokes, Brian." Rob.
"Morose Chekovian Dipshits."
"The Greeks designed LAX--the book doesn't even mention it. But I...I know."
"I think since we know Oedipus, we can say [Hurricane Katrina] is [Bush's] fault."
This one is going to be done a little differently then, I'll put the author's name once and all their quotes after...saving me from writing each person's name over and over.
Elizabeth S.
"We let the cute animals live, I mean the cows we just say 'get your ass in the truck-you're gonna be a baseball glove!"
"Some damn vegan stole my grandpa!"
"I don't want to die on the tilt-a-whirl!"
"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck yourself?"
"We need a place for the fangs, duh!"
"I had to make sure we had an even number [of gummy bears] so I ate one in the hallway."
"I keep you around because you smell better than most monkeys."
"My mother taught me not to lie too much."
"I'd better google a picture of the pope!"
"She's running a slight fever, or else she's just weird."
"I'm not weird, I'm gifted!"
"Funny like 'ha-ha' or funny like 'look that man's having a heart attack."
"Yeah, I was turning the wheel while she worked the pedals and played the flute."
"But I'm so cute!" Me "Compared to what?" Elizabeth S.
"Benefits include Mental, Dental and 401K."
"Having goals in life is sexy. Having that goal be 'world domination' is even sexier."
"I'm not surprised that people drop out of school, become bums and eventually end up killing themselves."
"I'd be a bad-ass-asauras...I'd be like 'hey teranadon, what you lookin' at!"
"I find that kind of thing very taxing." E.S. "What, kindness?" Me "Yeah." E.S.
"Different milk! I thought you meant goat, cow & yak! Fuck that!"
"Hello, Happy Hills? I need you to come for a pick up...she's clearly delusional."
"I'd be sad if it were you, but I'd still laugh."
"I hear Ebola's not so bad."
"It smells like something's on fire." Me "It better not be the building because I don't feel like evacuating."
"Hello Maaike, I'm Mr. Spoon! I'm here to cut your eyes out!"
"Can't they have more friendly death-tolling bells? It's like ding-dong: you're gonna die!"
"Note to self: Kill Maaike sooner...I am sick of her flaunting her superior tacos in my face...oh, and buy some Swedish fish."
"It's like passover...only not Jewish."
"Uri and Pablo are plotting against you." ES "What is this...a Spanish-Russian conspiracy?" Me "Don't forget Wong and Pierre." ES
Lucia C.
"Did you put the dimensions of Aubrey's ass in there?"
"I'm doing embroidery for revenge."
Jeff B.
"You'll be ok if you don't gnaw on the window sills."
"I've always enjoyed my organ."
"I like to get as close to myself as possible." Jeff "Yes, we know." Christina C.
Aubrey L-Y
"Her ass is a 10...on the Richter scale!"
"I flung a piece of sausage at the Jewish guy and he ducked and screamed "ah! Devil's meat!'."
"They're only your friends if they want to play with your bat and ball."
Kylie J.
"I'm afraid of heights! I don't even like to stand up!"
Teddy J.
"I forgot for a minute how pants worked."
Idaho State Safety Inspector
"Did you know the stuff in your first aid kit expired 14 years ago?"
Caleb T.
"It's not stealing until a jury of 12 convicts and even then it can still be appealed."
Jade S.
"I hope if we resort to eating each other it's not for dessert."
"God sent out his holiday newsletter."
"If anybody dies today, I'll be pissed!"
Adam S.
"God sent me this beautiful bunt cake. I'm supposed to share with everyone."
Andi
"Who's the guy in the tall hat? Ronald Regan?" Andi "What kind of tard are you?" Elizabeth S.
"If I had to think before I spoke I'd never get to talk again!"
"I have no problem with public speaking...it's the shutting up part that gives me trouble."
Me
"I'm always getting thrown into bottomless pits!"
"I like you like I like an embarrassing rash."
"I need a Yiddish spell checker."
"And I was feeling all self-esteemy and everything."
Christina C.
"I've known Maaike for two years and I've only seen her cry once." "Sweet! If something happens to you, I'm dating her!" Nathan T.
Mandy M.
"I have hundreds of items in my freezer... all of which I will tell you about right now."
Ben S.
"I don't need to ask Maaike; she loves me, she'll let me do anything."
Joe M.
"You and your stupid happiness!"
"It's kind of sad when your own eyes glaze over when you're talking to yourself."
"Nothing says 'I love you' like chewing on your eyeball."
Katie W.
"Nothing's worse than finding a redneck in a cave."
"I can come down here, watch people make out...feel all lonely inside."
Rob C.
"It's just a part of me dying inside...that's all."
"'My computer crashed' is the 20th century version of 'my dog ate it.'"
"Talk to me as you slip down the slope...not when you hit the bottom."
"I've upped my blood pressure medication...so there should be no beatings...hmmm...hmmm...there should be no beatings."
"We are the avant garde...we are the front...we're cool."
"There are many, many Shakespeare festivals, but no Marlowe festivals."
"It would be like our children's children's children taking all they know about us from a fragment of the Declaration of Independence, some letters from Jefferson, some episodes of "Friends" and a receipt from Shopko!"
"Yet another reason not to go to jail."
"They think Noah's a rap artist."
"That's actual math. The 15 potato rule."
"They'll put heads on pikes!" Rob. "And enlightened things like that." Brian "I, only, am allowed to make the jokes, Brian." Rob.
"Morose Chekovian Dipshits."
"The Greeks designed LAX--the book doesn't even mention it. But I...I know."
"I think since we know Oedipus, we can say [Hurricane Katrina] is [Bush's] fault."
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