Book 11
Terry C.
The sun never sets on badass!
I made THIS!!
Ed B.
I've got brain freeze!! I've forgotten the protocol for drinking a slushy!
Kylie J.
Where did you grow up--backwards emphasis land?
I don't want to have to corral my bazongas into a stupidass orange halter top!!
Beer and Jesus, they go hand in hand.
I'll just imagine I'm wallpaper.
Not only am I old, but I'm cheap too!
I can be sad that a mime died!!
"Admit it, you love being in Maaike-land!" Me. "Yes, it's just like Disneyland...if Disneyland was in a psych ward!" Kylie.
Daniel, the other white friend.
Me
This is ranking very high on the seven levels of suck.
I guess it's true what they say, unlucky in love, lucky in gluesticks.
I'm a bunny with a swingset!
Espresso tastes like Hanukkah!
Randy D.
I personally believe that the first few centuries of the afterlife will be spent in deep and intensive therapy to help us get over the trauma of life. I just hope my insurance covers it.
Sally E-H.
Bless his cranky, anal, uncommunicative heart!
Fascists come in all different flavors.
Emily H.
We've got a 'so-what' factor.
Rose K.
The only scientific thing about ti was that they were scientists.
Subtext will bite you in the ass every time.
I will not be satiated by your placebo, you heartless bitch!
David E-H.
He has written what is technically known as a butt-load of plays.
Elizabeth S.
Heathen, mouth-breathing, unwashed freshmen!
Daniel M.
How'd you make the squirrel mad?
You'll probably like it too, because it has to do with poo.
The campus looks so different when you're not staring at the ground.
Showing posts with label David E-H.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label David E-H.. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Book 10
Book 10--I list the people in the order in which they are quoted in my book.
Daniel M.
I was really excited about the salad-spinner, too! You should have seen this thing!
This song's faster so you might want to get up and mosh.
That's where I was supposed to start but didn't, obviously.
I need to import some Venezuelan chicken.
"Easy there, Mr. Destructo. Or is it Captain Destructo?" Me. "Actually, it's El Capitan!"
That's what you get for messing with the Shark Captain!
Instead of having a hand with a line through it they should have a sticker that reads: Caution Hella Fucking Hot!
This is a dramatic reenactment of a rather dramatic lip-syncing.
We're coming up on Hoot's you want to stop in for some buffalo wings?
I'm trying to think of ways you could be worth more...you probably have some harvest-able organs.
Rob C.
I have so many levels of hate for you right now.
It says something about your nature if you have adhesive spit.
I forgot to shave today and it makes me feel mean.
There's a haphazard feeling to the floating baby people.
The extent of my mental Rolodex will be used!
We engage in war & therapy.
Have you ever heard the phrase 'to be used against you in a court of law'?
Kylie J.
I'd only call you lizard-woman out of love.
You're a veggie-lover lover.
someone is calling you a "stupidass" in their head right now.
"I love how loudly chips crunch in my head!" Me. "Do they drown out the voices?" Kylie
"Bless you." Me. "I didn't sneeze." Kylie. "I didn't bless you." Me. "Well then, bless you, too!" Kylie
Tell Daniel to take care of you or I'll kick his non-existent butt!
Ginger R.
I don't know, but I Googled one in Japan.
David E-H
But I've had a good week, so shut the hell up.
She was skipping towards her dark place.
"David, did you hurt yourself?" Me. "I'm turning 40 in a week, of course I hurt myself." David
Randy D.
"I'm not looking for a 'half,' I'm looking for a 'whole'." Me. "Just make sure it's not an asshole." Randy.
What--so your bra has to align with the north star?
I had a dream about Albert, but the part of Albert was being played by Denzel Washington.
Ben S.
God's up there right now, "I would strike her down but...gosh, I lover her!"
Brad C.
I was heading into surgery the other day and Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" was playing.
Me
"I'm detecting a hint of sarcasm." Kylie. "Only a hint? Perhaps I'm not trying hard enough." Me
"Where do you people come from?" Kylie. "From the land of watching movies that came out after we were born." Me.
I can't hit him, he looks like Jesus!
Daniel M.
I was really excited about the salad-spinner, too! You should have seen this thing!
This song's faster so you might want to get up and mosh.
That's where I was supposed to start but didn't, obviously.
I need to import some Venezuelan chicken.
"Easy there, Mr. Destructo. Or is it Captain Destructo?" Me. "Actually, it's El Capitan!"
That's what you get for messing with the Shark Captain!
Instead of having a hand with a line through it they should have a sticker that reads: Caution Hella Fucking Hot!
This is a dramatic reenactment of a rather dramatic lip-syncing.
We're coming up on Hoot's you want to stop in for some buffalo wings?
I'm trying to think of ways you could be worth more...you probably have some harvest-able organs.
Rob C.
I have so many levels of hate for you right now.
It says something about your nature if you have adhesive spit.
I forgot to shave today and it makes me feel mean.
There's a haphazard feeling to the floating baby people.
The extent of my mental Rolodex will be used!
We engage in war & therapy.
Have you ever heard the phrase 'to be used against you in a court of law'?
Kylie J.
I'd only call you lizard-woman out of love.
You're a veggie-lover lover.
someone is calling you a "stupidass" in their head right now.
"I love how loudly chips crunch in my head!" Me. "Do they drown out the voices?" Kylie
"Bless you." Me. "I didn't sneeze." Kylie. "I didn't bless you." Me. "Well then, bless you, too!" Kylie
Tell Daniel to take care of you or I'll kick his non-existent butt!
Ginger R.
I don't know, but I Googled one in Japan.
David E-H
But I've had a good week, so shut the hell up.
She was skipping towards her dark place.
"David, did you hurt yourself?" Me. "I'm turning 40 in a week, of course I hurt myself." David
Randy D.
"I'm not looking for a 'half,' I'm looking for a 'whole'." Me. "Just make sure it's not an asshole." Randy.
What--so your bra has to align with the north star?
I had a dream about Albert, but the part of Albert was being played by Denzel Washington.
Ben S.
God's up there right now, "I would strike her down but...gosh, I lover her!"
Brad C.
I was heading into surgery the other day and Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" was playing.
Me
"I'm detecting a hint of sarcasm." Kylie. "Only a hint? Perhaps I'm not trying hard enough." Me
"Where do you people come from?" Kylie. "From the land of watching movies that came out after we were born." Me.
I can't hit him, he looks like Jesus!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Book 9
Daniel M.
I didn't lock my doors because the people in Ellensburg are my homeboys.
"If I die you can have all my stuff." Me. "Can I sell the Buffy books on e-bay?" Dan M.
"There are times in life when you realize you're not as high up on the Grand Nerd Scales as you thought." Me. "Yet, I wish I was." Dan M.
Do bad guys eat Pop Tarts? 'Cuz I really like Pop Tarts.
Dennis W.
The seemingly innocent can also be guilty.
Excuse me for speaking so frankly, I'm often misquoted.
Ginger R.
"Then I'd have an Ida-Ho!" Ginger. "And you're not a Ho." Me. "Not anymore, anyway." Ginger.
I resisted Gypsy's attempts to claim the chicken.
Jesse B.
Chivalry isn't dead, it's just mistaken for buffoonery.
"That was sort of a Yoda sigh." Me. "Yes, it was full of the angst of a thousand years." Jesse B.
Ben S.
I can't be opening and closing folders all day.
Kylie J.
There probably are a lot of pig tailors around because if they just wore regular pants they'd be too long.
Not that we don't have a cause, just not a very good cause.
David E-H.
Damn you, my love!
Me
I don't want anyone else thinking they're fabulous, when actually it's me.
Welcome ta Sunday School, ye bastards!!
James is only interested in what people have to say if he's the one talking.
Bad guys eat Fruit Loops!!
Rob C.
The Abydos Passion Play ran for two thousand years. It kicks Andrew Lloyd Weber's ass!
I will be talking about decorum to the point that you will wish to slap me on the head--but thou shalt not!
It's a particularly pernicious thing, imperialism.
National Day of a Dull Sense of Panic.
I reserve the right to be in this shitty mood without explaining why.
Matt S.
That's a 'pants on fire' situation.
I didn't know that, yes I did.
I didn't lock my doors because the people in Ellensburg are my homeboys.
"If I die you can have all my stuff." Me. "Can I sell the Buffy books on e-bay?" Dan M.
"There are times in life when you realize you're not as high up on the Grand Nerd Scales as you thought." Me. "Yet, I wish I was." Dan M.
Do bad guys eat Pop Tarts? 'Cuz I really like Pop Tarts.
Dennis W.
The seemingly innocent can also be guilty.
Excuse me for speaking so frankly, I'm often misquoted.
Ginger R.
"Then I'd have an Ida-Ho!" Ginger. "And you're not a Ho." Me. "Not anymore, anyway." Ginger.
I resisted Gypsy's attempts to claim the chicken.
Jesse B.
Chivalry isn't dead, it's just mistaken for buffoonery.
"That was sort of a Yoda sigh." Me. "Yes, it was full of the angst of a thousand years." Jesse B.
Ben S.
I can't be opening and closing folders all day.
Kylie J.
There probably are a lot of pig tailors around because if they just wore regular pants they'd be too long.
Not that we don't have a cause, just not a very good cause.
David E-H.
Damn you, my love!
Me
I don't want anyone else thinking they're fabulous, when actually it's me.
Welcome ta Sunday School, ye bastards!!
James is only interested in what people have to say if he's the one talking.
Bad guys eat Fruit Loops!!
Rob C.
The Abydos Passion Play ran for two thousand years. It kicks Andrew Lloyd Weber's ass!
I will be talking about decorum to the point that you will wish to slap me on the head--but thou shalt not!
It's a particularly pernicious thing, imperialism.
National Day of a Dull Sense of Panic.
I reserve the right to be in this shitty mood without explaining why.
Matt S.
That's a 'pants on fire' situation.
I didn't know that, yes I did.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Book 6
Here is book 6
David E-H
Hit the deck! That ham sandwich is gonna blow!!
Hornby would make the argument...and since he's not here, I'll do it for him...
Me
Mango laundry soap? How do you not eat your clothes!
"Take this pizza with you." Ginger. "I really hate cold pizza" Me. "What about your roommates?" Ginger. "I hate them, too." Me.
The sound of shaken fairies.
I wish I had a mind that thought is lines instead of swirlyques.
I'm debating whether or not to keep Petey's legs.
Kylie J.
Plastic ass can? What? Is it a chair? Like a bucket seat?
"I don't want to be a hippogryph!" Teddy "Too much Harry Potter, not enough church." Kylie
Rob C.
If you'll look here I think you'll see that there is some suspicious leotard action going on.
In honor of 'Intimate Apparel' I am wearing lace undies.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hope that really happens.
I know, you think I'm annoying...it's in my nature.
Isn't there a sort of disconnect between your passion to destroy a country and your inability to find it on a map?
We were all on Prozac that semester...and some of us never got off.
So, we killed him. But that's not important and I want you to forget that fact.
Don't take this the wrong way, but, you sick bitch!
Paul K.
"Nellie is now the director. I am the female actor." Paul. "You'll have to shave." Nellie. "No. Russian." Paul
Confucius is a silly head.
Here's a far-fetched...and really bad idea.
Ginger R.
I trump you! I'm in line to die!
If a disaster comes, I'm gonna eat my dog.
"The bathroom smells like a wet poodle!" Me. "A DEAD wet poodle!" Ginger
Don't come to my house!!
Amy S.
Don't admire my sacrilege!
Do I have something on my philtrum? Do I have a philtrum?
Stephen H.
This is a rock? Where do we commonly find rocks?
A sturdy dirt clod and a soft rock are pretty much the same thing.
Landslides, and the prevention thereof.
What happened and how do they feel? In geology no one cares how they feel. The fact that they're there is incidental.
"A university course in stealing and thievery...that would be cool." Me. "Well, the UI does have the college of Law." Stephen
I'm allergic to myself and I can't stand to be confined like that!
Elizabeth S.
Crap on a stick!
They're about as similar as bananas and cheese.
Ben S.
Moths are butterflies ugly cousins. Ben. "Yeah, but do your ugly cousins eat your clothes?" Jade. "Well, yea." Ben.
Every time she kills me I get dead!
What does the acronym ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM stand for?
"People like me. I don't know why." Me. "I can name several reasons...you're fun...well, that's about it." Ben
Jade S.
Ooo...no one likes you.
I'm paying attention...I'm just not smart.
Daniel M.
Ted Nugent talks that way even when buying socks.
Sherri D.
"We just get worried when we can't get a hold of you." Chris. "Did you think I was dead in the back yard?" Mom. "No, Albert checked the back yard." Sherri.
David E-H
Hit the deck! That ham sandwich is gonna blow!!
Hornby would make the argument...and since he's not here, I'll do it for him...
Me
Mango laundry soap? How do you not eat your clothes!
"Take this pizza with you." Ginger. "I really hate cold pizza" Me. "What about your roommates?" Ginger. "I hate them, too." Me.
The sound of shaken fairies.
I wish I had a mind that thought is lines instead of swirlyques.
I'm debating whether or not to keep Petey's legs.
Kylie J.
Plastic ass can? What? Is it a chair? Like a bucket seat?
"I don't want to be a hippogryph!" Teddy "Too much Harry Potter, not enough church." Kylie
Rob C.
If you'll look here I think you'll see that there is some suspicious leotard action going on.
In honor of 'Intimate Apparel' I am wearing lace undies.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hope that really happens.
I know, you think I'm annoying...it's in my nature.
Isn't there a sort of disconnect between your passion to destroy a country and your inability to find it on a map?
We were all on Prozac that semester...and some of us never got off.
So, we killed him. But that's not important and I want you to forget that fact.
Don't take this the wrong way, but, you sick bitch!
Paul K.
"Nellie is now the director. I am the female actor." Paul. "You'll have to shave." Nellie. "No. Russian." Paul
Confucius is a silly head.
Here's a far-fetched...and really bad idea.
Ginger R.
I trump you! I'm in line to die!
If a disaster comes, I'm gonna eat my dog.
"The bathroom smells like a wet poodle!" Me. "A DEAD wet poodle!" Ginger
Don't come to my house!!
Amy S.
Don't admire my sacrilege!
Do I have something on my philtrum? Do I have a philtrum?
Stephen H.
This is a rock? Where do we commonly find rocks?
A sturdy dirt clod and a soft rock are pretty much the same thing.
Landslides, and the prevention thereof.
What happened and how do they feel? In geology no one cares how they feel. The fact that they're there is incidental.
"A university course in stealing and thievery...that would be cool." Me. "Well, the UI does have the college of Law." Stephen
I'm allergic to myself and I can't stand to be confined like that!
Elizabeth S.
Crap on a stick!
They're about as similar as bananas and cheese.
Ben S.
Moths are butterflies ugly cousins. Ben. "Yeah, but do your ugly cousins eat your clothes?" Jade. "Well, yea." Ben.
Every time she kills me I get dead!
What does the acronym ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM stand for?
"People like me. I don't know why." Me. "I can name several reasons...you're fun...well, that's about it." Ben
Jade S.
Ooo...no one likes you.
I'm paying attention...I'm just not smart.
Daniel M.
Ted Nugent talks that way even when buying socks.
Sherri D.
"We just get worried when we can't get a hold of you." Chris. "Did you think I was dead in the back yard?" Mom. "No, Albert checked the back yard." Sherri.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Book 4
Book 4 starts using dates, but I like how I did Book 3 so I'm continuing that way:
Ginger R:
I'm living on the edge! I almost ate a cookie!!
He raised show chickens.
Patrick:
I get nervous around girls! I spell my name backwards around them!
JJ:
Mine's a poo poo dictionary.
The Turretic Detective.
Ergo...dirt stop.
Who was that crazy bastard?
David E-H:
Testosterone-based biases.
Rob C:
Despite the books, the learning', my world remains in utter chaos.
People like nothing better than to be connected to the Greeks. I don't know why.
All these words sitting around! We might as well use them!!
In the concourse of the play...in the fabric of the play...Just in the play, ok!
There was no such thing as frequent flyer miles int he Elizabethan period.
It's not xenophobia, it's a healthy suspicion.
I've learned my history in a shamelessly anglicized way.
The first think you do is hire a French kick-boxer to exact your revenge.
Let me use the phrase again: comprehensive exam. And, by definition, that means a long time ago.
"No one's gonna make fun of you--you write the grades!" Brian. "It's never stopped you before." Rob
"Yeah, but your map was in Spanish." Rob C. "That's because it was of Spain." James C.
I love you all dearly, but you're really getting on my nerves.
Actually, nothin in my life has ever been my fault. It's rather ironic. And it's passed on through my genes. The other day I heard a plate break in the kitchen and although all three of my sons were in there, it was nobody's fault.
Louis P:
You're a fantastic woman! Ff you weren't here, you'd have to be invented!
Pinkos forever!!
Nathan T:
So, when are you going to find a dirty, little Asian slave boy to settle down with?
Randy D:
If she calls herself the Mistress of All Evil, I don't think she's interested in being happy.
Paul K:
He had a big nose and he hit people with a stick...what more do you need?
We're craving truth!
Anything that can be hung upon must be clown-bearing.
Jeff D:
Oh look! Something fall from sky! I take picture!
Me:
Chivalry isn't dead...it's just at a Gothic Gay nightclub.
Jessie B.
Mom, I'm sure glad you managed to have enough nipples for all of us.
Christina C.
It's like Ebonics...only it's Mormonics.
Ginger R:
I'm living on the edge! I almost ate a cookie!!
He raised show chickens.
Patrick:
I get nervous around girls! I spell my name backwards around them!
JJ:
Mine's a poo poo dictionary.
The Turretic Detective.
Ergo...dirt stop.
Who was that crazy bastard?
David E-H:
Testosterone-based biases.
Rob C:
Despite the books, the learning', my world remains in utter chaos.
People like nothing better than to be connected to the Greeks. I don't know why.
All these words sitting around! We might as well use them!!
In the concourse of the play...in the fabric of the play...Just in the play, ok!
There was no such thing as frequent flyer miles int he Elizabethan period.
It's not xenophobia, it's a healthy suspicion.
I've learned my history in a shamelessly anglicized way.
The first think you do is hire a French kick-boxer to exact your revenge.
Let me use the phrase again: comprehensive exam. And, by definition, that means a long time ago.
"No one's gonna make fun of you--you write the grades!" Brian. "It's never stopped you before." Rob
"Yeah, but your map was in Spanish." Rob C. "That's because it was of Spain." James C.
I love you all dearly, but you're really getting on my nerves.
Actually, nothin in my life has ever been my fault. It's rather ironic. And it's passed on through my genes. The other day I heard a plate break in the kitchen and although all three of my sons were in there, it was nobody's fault.
Louis P:
You're a fantastic woman! Ff you weren't here, you'd have to be invented!
Pinkos forever!!
Nathan T:
So, when are you going to find a dirty, little Asian slave boy to settle down with?
Randy D:
If she calls herself the Mistress of All Evil, I don't think she's interested in being happy.
Paul K:
He had a big nose and he hit people with a stick...what more do you need?
We're craving truth!
Anything that can be hung upon must be clown-bearing.
Jeff D:
Oh look! Something fall from sky! I take picture!
Me:
Chivalry isn't dead...it's just at a Gothic Gay nightclub.
Jessie B.
Mom, I'm sure glad you managed to have enough nipples for all of us.
Christina C.
It's like Ebonics...only it's Mormonics.
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