Book 1

Book 1 has no dates so I'm just putting it all together.

"There might be a slight disadvantage for the Spaniards, but Pablo does come up with words like 'chickpeas' and 'carabiner'."--Me

"Most cows do not kill their wives."--Didn't write down the author (DWDTA).

"I sat down at my desk and said, 'Oh shit, I think I'll write this!'"--D'Wayne H.

"Dyed in the wool, snot-ridden romanticism!"--D'Wayne H.

"I've got to have something fun in my life--don't get down on me!"--DWDTA

"This tastes like crushed up Smarties in urine."--Ben H.

"This is just reinforcing my pessimism."--Jake A.

"[People are] emotionally involved with their snack foods."--Jake A.

"You get an "F" because you don't know money's killing you, you assholes!"--D'Wayne H.

"Where is Hadrian's bloody Wall!!"--Daniel R.

"It's like driving a food mixer."--Daniel R.

"I'm readjusting to time so please fuck off."--Daniel R.

"I will lose the will to live if I go bald. Does that sound vain? I am vain. I don't know why I shared that with you--I'm feeling very naked and vulnerable right now."--Rob C.

"It would be nice to have no brain at all--take a break from myself."--Pablo G.

"I do too...I blame the poets."--Dan O.

"I have a little bit of experience with people I don't like."--D'Wayne H.

"A rolling stone gathers no jock itch but swimmers ear can be a problem."--Rob C.

"He comes for a bonk and he gets death instead."--Daniel R.

"He swallows small, shiny objects out of curiosity."--Jake A.

"Your crotch is like a discotheque, congratulations."--Aubrey L-Y.

"I don't know what I'd do if my thighs weren't in constant contact."--Me.

"I'll sell my script for a grilled cheese sandwich and a Shata!"--Rob C.

"So, don't lick the bottom of my shoes today."--Marie R.

"Sherill, you have such beautiful things, I'm jealous."--Me. "If it makes you feel any better, you should see my husband."--Sherill

"Ben, I like your shirt."--Me. "You would!"--Ben H.

"You buttered your bread now you have to lie in it!"--Dan O.

"It's my drugs I never take--that's why I'm all fucked up and shit."--Aubrey L-Y.

"Hey, you're the only white person here!"--Linnea H.

"There is joy but not romance/When there's giant pants." Christina C.

"At least I'm alluring to something." Christina C.

"Well, if you're going to hang out with someone for five years and not have sex, it's better if they're not exciting." Nathan T.

January 2010

"As it turned out, I broccoli-ed my pants."--Lewie

"That's true-I've never had my heart broken by a waffle."--Me

"The glass is not half empty or half full. It's just half."--Annette

December 2009

"Kitty, don't play with matches."--Me

"Maaike Grinchstein."--Anthony

"None of us are really that cute."--Arlene

"Boobs aren't just for girls any more."--Beth

"I'm just sitting here thinking, 'Why do I suck?'"--Mom

November 2009

"Hey! There's someone here older than us!"--Arlene

"A biscotti wielding madman!"--Me

"We could play Monopoly with Onion Face."--Roy

"Yeah, a duel sounds good...especially if it were back to back and ten paces...and you were both perfect shots."--Mom

"We're two old broads and we don't have time to argue!"--Sherri

"That makes my nipples sore just thinking about it."--Al

October 2009

"I can't give you a ride--I've got ten boxes of cereal and a bag full of monkeys in my car!"--Me

"My grandparents were killed by a bunt cake!"--Dave C.

Sunday, January 31st

"Chuck Norris doesn't read...he just intimidates the words in to reading themselves!"--Me